The Airline Story – My Most Embarrassing Story Of All Time
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I have told my most embarrassing story to only a few people in my life and was convinced to turn it into a blog post, and not just that but make an audio clip of me telling my story. I put this out here hoping that some people find it funny and realize that very few people have as embarrassing story as myself. I am a real life Ben Stiller and I often tell people this, I am always caught in embarrassing situations or doing things on accident that cause embarrassment.
So I share this story with you knowing full well some of you will be disgusted, some of you will be amused, and I share this story knowing full well it is my own humiliation that I face.
The written narration of the story is below, but my friend told me to make an audio clip and the audio clip is much funnier. So listen to the audio clip and/or read the story and let me know if you found it funny and amusing.
Leave me a comment, or shoot me a tweet @dragonblogger on twitter.
- The Airline Story – My Most Embarrassing Story
So you think you people have had embarrassing situations at airports? You know, some of you who kept a water bottle in a carry on bag, and security stopped you and said “What’s This Sir”, and you replied “Oh sorry, I forgot about that”, security says “you have to step out of line and finish the bottle before you can go through sir”. You say “Just throw it away I don’t need it” and you finally get through security. Occasionally, one of you might have a real embarrassing airport situation, where maybe two couples are going away on a romantic vacation and might pack some “extra” toys to help the situation. Security Guard might look at the x-ray scanner, spend a few moments lingering too long, and say to your wife “Excuse me ma’am, is this your bag?” You slap your forehead, and think don’t open the bag, don’t open the bag. But the security guard opens the bag and pulls out the metal pocket rocket that was hidden in there. We don’t allow metal devices on carry on’s, this will have to be checked. Meanwhile onlookers are all staring, trying to take pictures with their camera phones.
Those are normal embarrassing situations folks, but I am about to tell you a true story that will forever make you think, at least it didn’t happen to me. You will have embarrassing situations and forever realize there could be worse after I tell you this story.
It all started with a hotel in Jersey, and ordering in some unusual Spanish food. I had ordered a plate with shrimp and pasta with some sort of sauce I can’t pronounce. When it arrived in my hotel room, the florescent yellow glow of the sauce should have been an early warning sign. The grumbling in my stomach after eating it should have clued me in that I was in for some problems. But I thought nothing of it, there was a flight back to Phoenix the next morning. Arriving at the airport a little early, my wife and two year old son were with me while we waited for my flight. A little tugging and grumbling in my stomach, which I had just assumed was hunger acted like a reminder that I hadn’t had breakfast. Finally after three hours of waiting we were boarding the plane, got my 2 year old settled in his car seat on the airplane seat, wife sat down, I sat down while the rest of the passengers started to board and get seated.
This folks is where it all started to go wrong.
Just as the last few people were boarding and getting seated, I felt a horrible lurch in my stomach. I had that special feeling and knew I would not be able to hold back. “Excuse me stewardess” I had exclaimed, can I use the restroom. The stewardess had said “Sure” and pointed the way, I had just assumed that the plane would take off while I was on the Loo, and everything would be normal. The moment I sat on the john, my guts exploded, such fury, pain and literally I was blasting off of my seat. After a few minutes of non stop crapping, sweat was pouring down my face, I felt like I had swallowed draino, and was clearing out all 28 feet of my intestines at once. Then came some knocking on the restroom door, it was the stewardess. “Sir, are you almost finished”. I told her “I am not finished yet, give me a few minutes”. Then I proceeded to blow out another couple of gallons of crap.
What seemed like an eternity passed, when the stewardess knocked on the door again “Sir, can you step out of the restroom?” I said “give me a few moments, not done yet”. Then I hear the captains voice “Sir we need you to exit the restroom now”. I am thinking “Oh Crap”, two minutes later I hear my wife outside the restroom door “Justin, you need to get out now, they are going to throw us off the plane” I barely manage to finish and clean myself up. I flushed like 30 times to prevent backup and overflow, and patted some of the sweat off of my head and face with some tissues. I opened the door to see the entire airline staff waiting there for me. I was still sweaty and they swarmed on me, the stewardess putting her hand to my forehead and neck “He’s Aspirating” she exclaims loudly, security by now was on the plane, and they escorted my wife, my 2 year old and myself off of the plane and grounded the plane.
As I was led back up the ramp to the airport terminal, I endured endless questions, “what were you doing in the restroom sir?” “Crapping my brains out, ate some bad Spanish food last night” was my quick reply. I arrive in the airport terminal to see a paramedic standing there, he takes my vitals, examines my eyes, nose, mouth and ears. By this time my wife was pleading with the airline folks to let us back on, it was just simply bad food. Captain said he didn’t want someone on the plane who couldn’t make the flight. We pleaded that it was just some bad food, I was fine now.
After another 45 minutes, the captain finally decided to let us back on the flight, and we boarded the plane to the stares of hundreds of people.  People asking my wife and I, are you alright, what happened? Why did the ground the plane? Meanwhile, I endured these stares and odd looks for 5 hours of flight time, and halfway through the flight, when I thought I had to use the restroom again. I buried it deep, and waited until we arrived in Arizona and were off the plane.
So there it is, simple bad luck, delayed 300 people almost 3 hours, got my wife, 2 year old kicked off a plane, had me inspected and interrogated for 45 minutes. Lesson learned here, now before I fly, I eat only the plainest normal food possible the previous evening. Like a simple burger or some steak, nothing with sauces, or exotic food. I literally keep a stash of pills with me whenever I fly now, in case something like this were to happen again.
-Justin Germino
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Tags: airline monologue, airline story, embarrassing airline story, embarrassing audio clip story, embarrassing travel story, funny airline story, funny audio clip, funny embarrassing story, funny story, funny travel story, humiliating story, Justin Germino, justin germino funny story, most embarrassing story
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Oh my gosh, what a terrible ordeal for you! I think that is everyone’s worst travel nightmare.
Oh my. That’s all I have to say. Oh my.
This probably won’t make you feel any better, and it’s not nearly as bad, but just last year I was on a flight that was delayed because a woman just insisted that she had to use the restroom before we left.
That IS funny…
NOW.
Back then it must have been just “plane” horrible…
(Yeah, I know, the gentle art of making puns.. I still got some work to do in that field 
Thanks for sharing your cra.., I mean, incident with us! I laughed a bunch!
My wife told me if you think that is embarrassing, try being the wife of the guy this happened to.
Well, gee. Since we are sharing lovely moments in our lives…
When I was in college, and without a car, I was walking about 6 or 8 miles home from a doctor’s appointment. This wasn’t bad, I walked everywhere anyway. However, on this particular occassion, I got that lovely grumble deep down in my gut. The one that says you better find a restroom, and FAST. The problem was, I was in the middle of a residential neighborhood and no public restrooms were to be found for at least another 2 miles.
Well, my body wasn’t going to wait and I didn’t have anywhere private that I could even consider popping a squat so, in my pants I had to go.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t one of those small, nicely contained types of bowel movements but rather a large and juicy kind that immediately proceeded to travel down my pants.
Now being quite embarrassed but entirely uncomfortable, I walked the 2 miles to the public library (the first public restroom) to finish the job. Unfortunately, by then, my pants were SOOO gross I had to rinse them out.
I could only hope that no one would walk in as I stood in front of the sink washing out my soiled clothes with nothing but a shirt and shoes on. No such luck. But at least the person spared me any comments, did her business and left.
Looking back, I can’t imagine that it was so bad that I just didn’t go straight home but it had to have been miserable, because I wouldn’t have made that decision easily!
Ok, that is pretty bad. At least you didn’t have a lot of witnesses and ground a plane. But still, I would rather have just pulled my pants down and evacuated on the street rather than in my pants? No bushes or peoples yards you could hide in? Beg someone to use their restroom?
My most embarrassing moment was some 31 years ago, when I was talking to my boss so fast I didn’t swallow my spit. I leaned over to get something out of his inbox…and drooled on his desk.
However, you win, hands down.
LOL. Too much! Hey, instead of telling you what I thought of this special feeling (loved the story!) I can’t get over how cool your voice sounded! GREAT JOB! You should make a category for audio and the category feed your podcast. If you have more stuff like this it would make for great radio. Have a great day brother.
Thanks, I think I will create a new category for audio.
When my daughter was 7 she had a similar experience. It was explosive and started when we got on the plane. I was not prepared and she filled her pants, so I took her to the toilet just after takeoff and cleaned her up. Bad flight. I sttod the entire time with no shirt, my daughter was wearing it instead of her stained jeans and shirt.
Some 8 hours later when we were approaching our landing in Paris she had another bout, so I was in the toilet with her. the Stew came by several times telling me to take a seat, and I just said no. She told me that they can’t land if we were not seated, but the Capt’n put the plane down with my daughter on the toilet and me kneeling in front of her.
Bad experience.
That is ruff, it sucks when its your kids and you not only have the embarrassment for yourself, but you feel for what they are going through. Thanks for sharing that horrifying experience.
Oh my! That must have been awful! You’re right, I think that was embarrassing enough!
This is so hilarious. I am sorry about the tummy problem but I couldn’t stop laughing.
Annie Cook´s last blog ..“Please†: A Magic Word?
That is why it was one of my families most embarrassing moments, I am a real life Ben Stiller.